hmmm...a, b or c??

sigh. why me? why can't i just be normal? it's me, venting again. warning: no cute and cuddly pics with this post. in fact, quite the opposite...get ready for bold blogging!

so remember back here when i had to quit nursing peanut because the pain from my endometriosis was severe? remember how doing so was suppose to help me "manage" the pain. yeah well, it's been almost 5 months and guess what is no longer working?

the pill.

the last few weeks, i've been in an increasingly amount of pain. cramps, headaches, sharp stabbing pain that makes me keel over, and despite being on a pill that is suppose to stop my period, i've had three so super heavy that i feel like i'm dying periods. i can't take it anymore. i'm sick of feeling like crap, i'm sick of feeling like my body hates me. i sick of buying "feminine hygenine" products like they are going out of style. i'm just over it.

remember how in my new years resolution post i blogged about having baby fever but b wasn't 100% on board yet? well after many a long talks about it, he's starting to come around. he sees how much pain i am in and knows that i can't hold out forever. the issue has never been whether or not we will have another, but when we will have another. which as it turns out, may end up being sooner rather than later.

today i put a call in to dr. P's office (aka- ob/gyn); i wanted to discuss what my options are as far as managing this pain and what to do about my birth control pill essentially ''not working'' anymore. (don't get me wrong, i haven't gotten pregnant on it but it's not exactly helping me out pain-wise). after talking to his nurse, her talking to dr.P and then her calling me back, there are 2 options--the same 2 options that there have always been.

a)surgery or b)pregnancy.

i could go in for a laproscopic surgery now, scrap away/burn off tissue and be relatively pain-free for maybe six months. or i could opt to have laproscopic surgery to remove my remaining ovary and tube and essentially be sterile and hopefully pain-free (but without the recovery period of a hysterectomy, which would likely come later regardless). or we could try to get pregnant now, have the baby, and then nurse until the pain returns. when the pain returns i would then have the ovary removed and/or hysterectomy rather than going back on the pill.

so given those choices, there is really only one answer.

i'm obviously not going to have my ovary removed right now... we know that we want another kiddo.

given that we do want another kiddo, do i really want to have surgery now and try to get pregnant as the pain returns (in about 3-5mos)? or avoid the surgery completely and just try to get pregnant now...

ding! ding! ding! we have a winner! we had already talked about what changes would/would not be occurring if we had another now. after hearing my options from a medical stand-point, we've decided to go for it!

yes we realize that it may take awhile (or it may happen quite quickly).

yes we realize that our house is not a pop-out camper that is magically going to grow in square feet over the next year. we know that the boys all 3 fit into one bedroom quite nicely AND that they like sharing a room. we are used to having a crib in our room. so if we do get pregnant soon, that gives us 10 months (give or take, hopefully) plus the fact that the baby would co-sleep in our room for a yearish--we're looking at 22months that we could realistically continue living here. is it perfect? no. but it will work. our landlord doesn't raise the rent on existing tenants so financially, it's the smartest solution. will it be cozy? sure. but if growing up in a small house allows me to stay home with the kids, allows us to complete our family, then we'll take it. besides, it only really feels cramped in the winter. the rest of the year we are so close to the park and walking trails that we hardly notice!

so, here's hoping i have good news to share--and soon!