I was going through the pictures on my phone and it got me thinking....

how in the world do my kids do stuff like this?

I mean, really...How? In this instance, Maggie had been fully clothed and in her room. I went to start a load of laundry. I was gone MAYBE three minutes and came upstairs to find that she had removed her pajamas, undies and then somehow reached the container of lotion, opened it and covered her entire body. This is the same child that when we are on our way out the door, can't seem to put a pair of crocs on by herself and in a timely manner.

And it might not peak my curiosity so much if I hadn't already had this happen, to her oldest brother when he was the same age...

In this instance, he was suppose to be napping and I was washing the dishes. He wasn't quite two years old yet, he climbed up on top of the changing table, somehow unscrewed the cap off of a $10 container of Cetaphil cream and then proceeded to cover himself with it. I only raced in because he then began to cry because he was messy. Let's just say the overalls were a total loss and I had to wash his hair three times and it was still greasy for days. So when Maggie did the same thing, I wasn't as shocked as much as I probably should have been. I mean, at least she took her clothes off first.

This is still one of this families mysteries. How do they do it and why do they do it!?

**this post in being linked to Dropcam’s “Life’s Mysteries” Campaign!**

So I ask ''How many kids do you want when you grow up?"

Bubba responds: "10. I want ten kids."

Peanut says "I want a LOT." Well, how many is a lot? "Like TWO!"

As I turn to Pooks he says ''I want zero kids mom. Zero. None. Not any."

"Pookie, you don't want any kids? What if your wife wants kids?" I ask.
"I don't want any kids. I don't want a wife. I want just me.''
"Well won't you be lonely? Living all by yourself with no wife, no kids?"
"I not be by myself. I'm gonna live in our house with you and dad."
"Oh...like you'll have a room in the basement?"
"No, I'm gonna live in my room, with my big kid bed and all my animals."
"Well if you're all grown up, you won't fit in your bed. You'll need a grown up bed. Pooks how come you don't want any kids? Don't you like having brothers and sisters?"
"I will too fit in my bed when I growed up. Daddy fits in my bed. And I want no wife in my bed. And no kids because I do not want to have to share my toys. I not sharing my toys with my kids. I not sharing my food with my kids. I want no kids. I just want Rascal and dat's it."
By now I am laughing out loud.
"Pooks when you're all grown up you won't have so many toys. And when you do have toys you don't have to share them with your kids. Daddy plays poker but you boys are not allowed to play with that stuff. Mom likes to sew and make things but you kids can't play with that. Besides you'll get to take your kids to the park and the zoo and play with their toys. I play with your toys all the time."
"No. I want no kids. I want my animals. I want my big kid bed. I want ALL my toys and I not share. I not getting married. I'm not having kids. I'm gonna live here forever!"

My little architect

Lately Bubba's favorite activity is building with blocks. He takes it very seriously; will only use blocks of a certain size and/or color depending on what he is building that day. Earlier this week, he was building ''skyscwapers".

 When you factor in that he is building on textured tiles with 3 other siblings running around (and a dog) and he's getting them taller than he is...that's pretty good! He takes his time, assuring that every.single.block is perfectly stacked on the one below. So I asked him ''Bubba when you grow up do you want to be an architect? Architects are people who draw and design up the plans for buildings and skyscrapers." his response:

"Nah mom, I just want to be a pizza delivery guy. Dat's all."

One word.

Bedtime at our household has been a wee bit rough as of late. The boys caught the virus that I had, and it's {of course} caused their asthma to flare up. We're up to our necks in vapor rub, breathing treatments and oral steroids but they are doing better. The breathing treatments and oral steriods tend to stimulate them and despite the fact that they are exhausted, they have trouble settling down at bedtime. Sunday night, I was on edge. Dinner time had been horrible, the boys had been back-talking, refusing to clean up toys and I was just over it. We quickly did baths, brushed their teeth and put them to bed.

Well, I put them in their beds but they were talking. Talking turned into loudly talking with giggling. This went on for 45 minutes. I gave them two reminders to settle down and go to sleep. By the one hour mark, I had it. I went in, told them they needed to close their eyes, close their lips and go to sleep. I said that I did not want to hear one word out of their mouths.

Pooks response?

"What word Mom?"

Seriously!?

In the eyes of a two-year old...

Tonight I was nursing Sweetcheeks while cuddled up in Peanuts bed reading him his bedtime story. Being two he frantically picks out the book but then only half listens. I'm reading while he is playing with his stuffed animals next to me, giving them voices and having them talk to each other. I continue reading and next thing I know he's smashing his 'Sheepy' up against my boob going ''gulp gulp gulp!" then Sharky...''gulp gulp gulp"....so I ask ''Peanut what are you doing?"

"Da're firsty mom...day need milk''

"Hon Mommy's milk is for babies, not for animals"

"Da're baby nan-i-mals mom and ewe got da milk...[shoves sharky back up against me] "gulp..gulp..gulp....awww. sharky says tanks mom."

Sure. No problem hon, glad I could be an open milk bar to all your animals.

"Ya'll gonna make me lose my mind, up in here...up in here"

Seriously I about lost my cool today.

The day started out early, but good. Kids were ready to go and we were out the door around 9:15. We had a million places to stop since they have been sick with influenza for the past week, I had to get out. The plan was to go to the tire place {whom for now shall remain nameless, if they don't right their wrong, I'll start naming names and warning people to avoid them like the plague}. After the tire place we needed to also stop at the insurance agent's office, the fabric store, the mattress store, and lastly go grocery shopping.

It was a lot but I was prepared; Sissy had been fed, the boys had sippy's in the car and I had snacks in my purse. Everyone was in a good mood. So off we went. First stop, the insurance office for a new copy of our insurance card. In and out, kids were fine. Next stop was the tire place.

On Saturday B took our swaggerwagon in for a set of new tires, an oil change and a state inspection. When he returned home after all of this {keep in mind, it obviously wasn't cheap} the 'low tire pressure' warning light was lit and it was chiming. We waited to see if it reset and it didn't. Long story short, apparently the "mechanic" said that the built in sensors on our tires needed replaced, that they were ''defective''. Said that they broke as soon as his guys attempted to add air. Well seeing how when he dropped the van off, the sensors were fine, I was quick to blame them. We have had this car since May and have NEVER had a problem with the sensors. The light wasn't on previously. They were not defective before you messed with them but now they are? Right... So the mechanic says that he's calling the dealership to get a price on the sensors and he'd be happy to let me knowhow much, and replace those for me...if I want.

Um no. You broke them. You will fix them. I don't care how much they cost because I won't be paying for it. I told him as much, firmly but nicely. He said that he would call around and call me back and we could "work it out then". Trust me I was ready to fly my "Bitch" flag at any second but luckily, when he called back he hesitantly said that they would go ahead and ''take care of that for me''. Um, damn right you will. Crisis adverted.

Next up was a quick drive through the Starbucks window, then on to the fabric store. We're walking around looking for a fabric to make bedding for Peanut's soon to be purchased, twin bed when Pooks announces {quite loudly} that his butt is wet. So I discreetly ask if he peed. "No, but I farted".

Right...you can use your imagination on what really happened.

We got him all cleaned up and he assured me that he was fine, his tummy didn't hurt, he didn't need to poop...he ''just had a accident Mom''. Okay well I was over walking around looking at fabric that could wait anyway so we promptly left.

Next stop was the Mattress store. I needed to see how much a twin mattress would run us, if they had it in stock and if B could pick it up with his truck. So we all go in and the sales guy very quickly shows us and let's me know all the details. I get his card so I can send B there after work. He even offered to give the boys each a huge memoryfoam pillow; they were the pillows that are displayed on the mattresses so they are the big body style, queen size pillows. They say ''Sealy Posterpedic" on them and look brand new. I said sure, knowing that they'd be perfect for movie nights, etc. So I'm carrying Peanut on my hip, Sissy in her carseat, Bubba and Pooks are walking out and the salesman is nicely carrying the pillows for me to toss in the van. Well as he's putting the pillows in the van, talking about how well behaved the boys are, all the sudden Pooks starts puking. Everywhere. Well, everywhere in my van. On the floor, the seat, his seat, on himself.

Awesome.

So we cancel the grocery store trip and come straight home. I get the door open to bring Sissy in, set her down, the boys are all in and taking their shoes off, Pooks in undressing completely. I go out to the van to get his carseat out (where the most vomit was) so I can clean it when one of the boys opens the front door. Out runs the dog.

UGH! By now I'm stifling a scream.

Get the dog back in the house. Bring in the damn pillows that the kids are screaming for out of the van and into the living room. Get the car-seat into the laundry room. At this point, Sissy wakes up SCREAMING. So I have to stop everything to nurse her. Nurse her, get the boys settled with some Netflix and take 15 minutes of my life taking off the cover to his seat and getting it in the washer. At this point I finally get Pooks dressed, finish nursing Sissy and by now it's an hour past lunchtime. Get them situated with apples, peanut butter, a cheese stick and pretzels. It's what they wanted and I wasn't about to argue. Not to mention, we had to bread as I never made it to the store.

Yes, all of this happened before lunchtime.

Seriously.

Naptime went off without a hitch. All four kids actually napped, allowing me to nap as well. I had mentally already said ''Screw it'' to dinner so I wasn't worried about that. I was tired. B came home from work at 5:15 but was right out the door again as he qualifed for chair in a poker tournament. With a prize of $500, heck ya his ass is playing.

Kids and I ended up ordering a pizza, not eating dinner til 7:30. After yet another round of vomiting from Pooks. I finally get the boys into bed by 8:30pm. I got Sissy cleaned up, in her pajamas and in her crib by 9. At 9:30 Bubba and Pooks both announce that they have to poop. Imagine that. Finally around 10, they were asleep. So here it is, 11:20pm and Peanut is still awake. The best part? He's not only awake but singing to himself and begging to watch Dora.

Dora may be the straw that breaks the camel's back folks. For his sake and mine, he better hope that Daddy comes home soon!

Dirty mouth?

Well apparently Peanut thought so. Today I was a busy little bee moving his bed into the same room as Sweetcheeks. Bedtime has been a nightmare with all three boys in one room and since the plan was to move Peanut over once we got his twin bed, I just sped that up and moved him over now (even though he's still in his toddler bed). So I moved his bed over and had just sat down on it to nurse Sissy when all the sudden he started saying "Mmmm". To which I responded "What are you eating!?!"

Prior to his exclamation, he had been taking out all of Sissy's hair bows and putting them back again, so he shouldn't have been eating anything.

Well rather than turning toward me, he turned farther away.

I immediately get up to see him hurriedly squeezing Desitin  out of the tube and into his mouth. His lips, chin and chubby fingers are covered in white cream. And not just regular Desitin but the ''Maximum Strength" thick cream that has the strongest Zinc oxide that an over the counter diaper creme can contain. He is still saying ''Mmm" as I yank the tube out of his hand and tell him to stick out his tongue. I grab a baby wipe (it was closest) and furiously start rubbing off all of the cream from his tongue and face, then get to work on his fingers all while telling him ''No, no. We do not eat this. Desitin is a medicine for when your butt is yucky, we do NOT eat it''. I get to looking at the tube and while I know it was new and recently opened, I know that realistically as fast as he was trying to squeeze it out that he could have consumed up to a teaspoon. Granted a lot of it was on his face but rather safe than sorry, I called Poison Control.

For those that need to know, poison controls phone number is easy: 1-800-222-1222

The lady was extremely nice, completely non-judgmental and assured me that not only would he be fine, but it's a common call. She said that if he consumed enough, he might throw up or become nauseous but it didn't sound like he ate that much. The best thing to do was to feed him something so the cream wasn't so strong on his stomach lining and just to keep an eye on him. 

Well, thankfully he is fine. He ate lunch like normal, then took a nap but not until I removed every single bottle, container and tube from the changing table. Lotion, butt cream, ear cleaning solution...all of it, the whole basket is now on the top shelf of the dresser with nothing that he can climb up on. Granted, it probably should have been up there all along as a precautionary but none of the kids have ever so much as attempted to open it, let alone eat it.  Ugh!

When B got home he said to Peanut, ''[Peanut] we do not put anything but food in our mouth." to which Peanut responded ''Des-tin yucky. Booty medicine no, no, no." No kidding dude, no kidding.

"I can't handle it"

Picture this if you will. Kids are acting nuts...arguing back and forth about cars, hollering super loud, running the entire length of the house, tattling, etc. Pooks comes up to speaking 100 words a minute and I can't understand a single thing...

Me: Pookie, I cannot even handle you right now...you are acting insane!
Pooks: Mom, the club can't handle me right now* eveer {either}.

This comment combined with the fact that Peanut is constantly saying "Baby I like it", is making me re-evaluate my music choices. Okay, I lied. I'm not re-evaluating my music choices but there's no bad language so a little Flo Rida never hurt anyone...right??

Jump Up, Jump Up and Get Down!

One of the boys' favorite places to go is Nanaw & Papa's house. One of their favorite things to do is to drag all of the cushions off of the couch, the cushion off of the chair and all of the pillows off of their bed. Then they make a HUGE pile of cushiony softness right in the middle of the living room floor. But that's not quite enough...they then proceed to stand on the couch {sans cushions} and jump up, jump up and get down.

Now don't let these pictures fool you...it may look like Bubba and Pooks are the only jumpers but that's not true. Peanut also enjoys the pillowy floor; the difference is Peanut at 21 months old can't really jump yet. So he gets to the edge of the couch and just steps off mid air and PLOPS down to the pillows. It's hysterical to watch but unfortunately extremely hard to photograph! Every attempt resulted a blurry pic or one where he was simply laying in the pillows.

And no we do not let them do this at home. They try unsuccessfully because our couch cushions aren't removable ;)

Pookie says...Volume 2

"Thanks for giving me food mom".  No problem kid, it's my job.

"Bubba! Stop freakin' crying bout the freakin' puppy! You already got a freakin Scooby Doo!" In response to Bubba crying about not getting a little cheap dog out of a Claw Machine. 

"Mom, I farted and it stinks. But I not did poop. Just fart." Thanks for the reassurance. At Target. Appreciate that. 

 to be continued, I'm sure...

Pookie says...

"Uh-huh! That's right!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"

"Dat's really cool!"

"Okey-Dokey!"

"I didn't bite him, I was just tasting him." We don't taste people, we taste food. "He {bubba} tastes yike chicken." He does not taste like chicken. He is a person. And, I don't care what he tastes like, we do not bite! "I not bite. I just tasted him."

"I'm not mean...I'm happy."

Needless to say, Pooks is very much a verbal child. I'm not sure where he comes up with half the stuff that he says but 9 times out of 10, it's hysterical. Half of the time I am trying so hard not to laugh because I don't want to encourage it, while attempting to discipline him. Not the easiest task.

This is the same just turned three year old who while out at the Olive Garden for B's birthday dinner refused to eat his pizza until the waitress brought out the Romano cheese grater and freshly grated cheese onto his pizza. When she was done, he said "Thanks...Dat's what I'm talking about!" With a HUGE grin on his face.

He tends to think that nice and happy are synonymous. If you tell him not to be mean to his brother, he'll respond with "I'm not mean, I'm just happy." Again with a huge grin plastered on his face. We tried to explain about a million times that just because you are happy that doesn't mean that you are being nice. (I guess it really shows that he is happy being mean?)

While driving he constantly asks where we are going and most times, when I stop at a light, he'll proceed to tell me which direction to turn. He usually proceeds to tell me that I'm going the wrong way or that I ''just need to turn around." He has an opinion about everything and doesn't hesitate to say it out loud. I got my hair cut last week; came home and he promptly told me ''I don't yike that." Yeah, no filter whatsoever.

The disappointing thing is, I know that there are more phrases that he uses regularly, I just can't think of what they are!

I need help!

Anyone have any great tips for getting a kid to take antibiotics? Bubba has now been sick for almost a week and yesterday they prescribed an antibiotic. (They don't know what's wrong with him; he's had a fever in the 102-104.8 range since Sunday and his CBC showed elevated white blood count). While I can get him to take Tylenol or Motrin with some gentle coercing, I can't get him to take the antibiotic. I mean the second it touches his tongue he gags until he vomits. I tried letting him drink it, I tried using a squirting dispenser, I took it back to the pharmacy and got it re-flavored, I tried mixing it will chocolate syrup, I even added a little food coloring while he wasn't watching and tried pawning it off as a ''new'' medicine-nothing. If I pin him down and squirt it in his cheeks, he vomits. Yesterday I ended up having to call the on-call doctor, who put in a call to the urgent care. We (my mom went with) had to take him up to urgent care where they gave him a shot.
He was beyond pissed, crying and screaming which lead to gagging again.

Today I have to call our Dr back and see if they can prescribe something different. He still has to take the antibiotics for 3 more days.

He understands why he takes the medicine, so that's not the issue. He hates being sick and he knows that the Tylenol/Motrin keeps his body from getting too hot. The ''pink medicine" is to help get the germs out of him (and his blood {he wanted to know why he had to get blood drawn and she said to count the germs}) so that he can feel better. He even goes as far to say that he wants to take the medicine, he just can't.

What can I do? What else can I try? I was considering asking the doctor for tablets and seeing if I could just get him to swallow those, but I don't know if they come in a dose small enough. Anyone know of a antibiotic that tastes great??

I need help!

classic toddler moment

it's 9:25pm. the boys have been in their beds since a little after 8:30. peanut is asleep and i just got out of the bath. i sneak into their room to borrow their lotion. immediately pooks sits straight up. so i say to him "go to sleep, mommy is just putting lotion on her legs." he says ''oh, okay'' and lays back down. i glance over at bubba and while he's laying perfectly still with shut eyes, i can see his eye lids fluttering ever so slightly. so i say "bubba, are you faking it?"

he opens one eye, looks at me and says ''no". then closes his eyes.

i freaking ♥ toddlers!

"mama...."

this was our conversation at bedtime-

pooks: mama...i had yots of fun today.
me: i'm glad. i had lots of fun today too.
pooks: i yiked pizza hut for supper, it was nummy. i yiked today.
me: well i liked today and had fun too. now go night night and tomorrow we'll have even more fun.
pooks: {kisses me on the cheek} i love you mama. *insert the biggest and best toddler hug here*
me: i love you too pookie.

paging the doctor?

dr. pookie that is...apparently this morning mickey mouse was sick.

pookie told me that "his heart hurt" so he listened to mickey's heart while bubba checked his ears.

they consulted with each other and then looked in his mouth. it was decided that he needed medicine.

the medicine worked! mickey feels ''weally good" again!

and little peanut? well, his advice is more like his mama's....

you know, put the lime in the coconut and call me in the morning?

it's a bird! it's a plane!

no, it's the super brothers!!

well, the boys' superhero capes are finished! i started them about 9pm last night and didn't get done until 1:30am due to several mishaps. mainly, the material that i chose. while it's nice and flowy for a cape, it's not nice to sew! it's some sort of polyester (no i didn't look at what it was, i just let the boys pick the colors) and my machine hated it. i mean hated it. it kept pulling and as it sewed my machine was making this clicking/clanging noise. hated it. so while i had originally planned on just using the serger overedge stitch to finish the edges, my machine did not like that idea and i ended up having to use bias tape. thankfully i had 2 unopened packages of a golden yellow, double folded bias tape and it was exactly enough for bubba and pooks cape.

 the design was very simple. i decided that i wanted it to fasten with velcro so that pooks could do ''it all by myself''. well after deciding on velcro i kinda realized that essentially a cape that velcros is a backwards bib. i mean it fastens exactly like bib but because it's a cape, it gets longer and wider and is drastically longer. here they are all laid out and finished.

peanut's cape is different. since i knew he would be growing out of his so quickly, i simply put his together using the leftover material from his brothers thus making his reversible. when he's a bit older (and taller) i'll make him one just like his brothers. he really likes it though. he watches bubba and pooks run, then he pulls on the bottom of his cape and follows. as if to say ''hey, i have one too!!"

as an after thought, i quickly made an eye mask out of some leftover yellow felt. it was a no-sew, three-minute add on that bubba insisted on. you know ''so people can't know that it's me". they ran around for about an hour this morning, rescuing, jumping and bumping into things.

  

 

total cost of the project was $10.66 (for the material). 3 capes for $10 and a few hours work? score! i already had the bias tape, thread, velcro and even the scrap yellow fabric for the tabs. i think it was a success! bubba did tell me that he wants lightning on the back of his, so we'll work on making up an emblem.

punk juice

actual conversation between myself and bubba yesterday after school.

bubba: i ate all my snack at school today mom!
me: cool, what did you have today?
bubba: um..a banana, cwackers and punk juice. it was super yummy.
me: a banana, crackers and what kind of juice?
bubba: punk juice mom.
me: hmm...what color was it?
bubba: it was red punk juice, just punk juice mom, yike fruit punk juice.
me: oh, you mean fruit punch?
bubba: yeah...fruit punk. it was so super yummy!

i just ♥ that kid!

it's just super!

bubba is (as we all know) adorable.

this really isn't anything new.

what is new is his latest infatuation and usage of the word ''super''. i guess i need to type it more like "SUPER!" everything is super, it is by far his adjective of choice. good or bad, doesn't matter super is the best description.

meeting Santa Claus?
--"dat was so super fun mommy!"

smelling the melted almond bark as i was making dipped pretzels?
--"somethin' smells super yummy".

after seeing the pile of disgusting filth that was underneath the refrigerator when i moved it to clean? (which by the way i don't think that any previous person who lived here, like ever, had cleaned.)
--"mommy...dat's super filthy under there." and yes, he also uses the word filthy.

seeing nanaw and papa's christmas tree for the first time?
--"it's so super pretty nanaw.''

sometimes i can hardly even believe that last Christmas, he was barely speaking with words. (he was still using sounds, remember?) last year thanksgiving was ''gobble-gobble'' and Christmas was ''ho-ho". now he uses adjectives like super and words like filthy or disgusting. he tells me he's full when he's done eating or asks for a specific things like cranberry juice or graham crackers. i'll say that we're going to run to the store and he asks ''are we going to target or dillions mama?"

he absolutely loves scooby-doo and thanks to the boomerang channel, he is able to watch one episode every night before bed. when pooks gets scared from the monster/ghost/zombie/mummy, bubba is quick to remind him ''dat's just a guy in a costume...not a real monster".

i can't believe that bubba, my oldest is getting ready to turn FOUR. where the hell does the time go?

Oh the weather outside is frightful!

gotta love this kansas weather, it went from being 70+ degrees last week, to 34 degrees with a mixture of rain/snow today and fore-casted for tomorrow.

so what's a stay at home mom to do?

bust out the paint.

usually this doesn't go so well. pooks doesn't like being messy, someone spills something or touches something while their hand is covered in paint thus causing my anxiety to hit maximum capacity and hurriedly putting all the paint away.

but today, it went very well. of course it helped that i put down an old sheet, then covered each kiddo in an old tshirt and squirted only a small amount of paint on each paper plate.
for our school lesson we talked about thanksgiving; what it means to be thankful, and what types of foods we eat on Thanksgiving, etc. then i took a small pumpkin--heck maybe it's a gourd--and cut it in half. we scooped out the insides and used them as a stamp.
ideally i thought we'd paint stems on them but after one sheet of pumpkin prints, the boys decided to finger paint instead. i just went with it. they had a blast! each making 4-6 paintings!
they already asked to paint again after their nap and i said maybe we could paint numbers for school tomorrow. if you find something they like, keep with it!

tales from the toddlers

these are 2 separate conversations that i had with bubba and pooks today-

me: hey pooks, come over here so we can get your shoes on.
pooks: no mama, i pay [play].
(he proceeds to continue playing with a chip clip and his blanket--completely ignoring me)
me: please? we need to get to target before peanut's nap and we have to go get groceries too. let's hurry.
(he stops playing to give me the look of death)
pooks: ma, i'm just busy.

seriously? i mean seriously? because i'm not attempting to change a babies diaper, put 8 shoes on 4 people, and get jackets on all of us. while mentally making a list of what we need to take with us and a separate mental list of what we need to buy. i'm sure that chip clip really just can't wait.

and bubba wasn't much better. we were sitting at the table over lunch, talking about numbers. this week was the number six and i was attempting to help him count.

me: bubba what's this? (holding up a number 6 magnet)
bubba: da letter six.
me: it is a six, good job! but remember how things that we count are numbers. letters are----
bubba: MOM, stop talking!
me: excuse me? bubba we don't talk to grown ups that way, it isn't nice.
(rolls his eyes at me)
bubba: mom, we'll just talk about this later, i'm done. as he pushes back from the table, climbs down from the table and walks into the kitchen.

i was speechless. me, speechless. i mean how do you even respond to that? i know where he got it; when B and I are bickering/arguing in front of the kids, one of us will say ''okay, i'm done talking ...we'll have to talk about this later." we're really working on not arguing around little ears. i guess that's a good thing, he just proved to me that he does listen.

speaking of 'off the wall things that people around here are saying' here are some phrases that i say all. the. time.

-no! don't touch the toilet. seriously, don't touch the toilet. pooks i'm not kidding, it's not funny, we do not touch the potty.

-don't touch your brother's boobies. if you want to touch boobies then you can touch your own! no they do not have milk in them, only mommies with babies have milk in their boobies.

-we do NOT eat dog food. yuck! yuck! yuck! no, no, no!

-get your finger out of your butt...get your hands out of your pants and come wash them. we don't play with our booties!

-i am not an elephant.

-stop growling at your brother/dog/hamster/, you're scaring him. you are only a lion/tiger when your costume is on.

-do not throw that book/toy/blanket/cup/snack/ behind the couch!

-no i will not just ''cheese'' it, it's not funny. (they mean take to take a picture)

-no, i am not pooping. girls always sit when they go potty. yes sometimes i poop, no i'm not right now. i can't stand up to pee like you and bra-bra because i am a girl. girls do not have penises. no i will not get one when i get bigger.

-sit down before your chair tips and you fall on your head.

- how do you think your brother feels when you punch his head like that?

- are your ears on? are they working? you need to listen.

i would love to say i'm kidding, but i'm not. sometimes i say the above phrase over and over and over in one day. sometimes in public. oh the surprises that come with motherhood!