Pregnancy rambling...

I'd just like to apologize now because I can pretty much guarantee that for the next few days (weeks?!) until Sweetcheeks arrival, I will probably be using my blog as a pregnancy journal.

This being our last baby, I have really cherished this pregnancy and honestly, it's been really easy. The morning sickness was mild, the aches and pains have been bearable, the weight gain has been easy-peasy, and everything has gone ''normal''. No high blood pressure, no bed rest...nothing. The cherry on top is of course, having found out that we are having a girl after having three awesome boys. I love my boys, don't get me wrong. They are a blast, they get along great and they are my whole life. But I think that every mom would like a daughter at some point and I think it's really cool that we are finally getting to experience that. People ask if we were ''trying'' for a girl (whatever that means) or if we were going to keep going until we had a daughter. Um, no. I've known from a very very young age that I wanted to grow up, be a mom and have four kids. {honestly getting married/having a wedding was something I never even thought about growing up, lol}. I knew that I wanted to have a boy first, but after that I didn't really care.

At the beginning of this pregnancy, I thought for sure we were having another boy and I really was okay with that. The pleasant surprise was nice but now I'm worried that I won't be a good mom to a daughter. I know boys. I'm comfortable playing outside, getting messy with sand and sidewalk chalk. I like watching Cars and Scooby Doo.

I'm not a girly-girly. I mean sure, I like pedicures and shopping. I like baking and sewing. I do like wearing dresses and skirts but I value the casual kinds that look best with flip flops. And...that's about where it ends. I didn't have nor want a big wedding or even a wedding dress. I was married in a pair of flip flops and capris in Las Vegas. I don't own a pair of heels let alone know how to walk in them, and even growing up I wasn't really into Barbie or doll houses. I liked playing house and teaching school. I never took a dance class, had no desire to. It takes me 10 minutes tops in the morning to pull back my hair and put on some basic make-up.  I'd pick yoga pants over designer jeans any day. I could care less about romance novels, soap operas or how much I weigh. Even as a kid, I insisted on wearing dresses but I then wore them while climbing trees and playing hide and seek.

What if Sweetcheeks is over the top girly? What if she loves Barbies, kitty cats and having tea parties? What if she hates playing outdoors? I'm used to stories about Iron-Man, breaking up arguments over who had the car first and saying things like ''We don't put our hands down our pants".

I do look forward to a lot of things as well, don't get me wrong. It's just this fear that she'll hate me or I won't know what to do with her (entertaining/playing). I can't wait to paint her little toes, to see her twirl in a dress, and to actually get to ''do'' a kids hair. I'm excited that when the boys are a little older B can take them camping and fishing and while he's doing that I could be at home making cupcakes and cookies with my daughter {this vision also includes matching aprons if you must know}.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit...anxious? Overwhelmed? I mean the end is near, she'll finally be here soon. The kids are ecstatically waiting her arrival. Pooks wants to bring her flowers and sing Happy Birthday when he visits her at the hospital. Bubba wants to bring her balloons and make a cake. Peanut, while younger, does know that something is up. He's been super super clingy the last few days. When we're upstairs and he needs his diaper changed, he insists that it be on Sissy's changing table. I've caught him looking in the bassinet twice today alone. He will lift up my shirt to expose my belly and say ''Hi Maggie-hee hee hee" and do this little laugh when saying her name. 

I can tell that my body is gearing up. Contractions are much more frequent and feeling more ''real''. Backache is more frequent but comes and goes in spurts. I already know that my cervix has started to dilate and efface. I'm feeling restless and nesting. Today I wiped down the entire kitchen with clorox wipes, cleaned the fridge, and microwave, sorted through all the stuff on our ''junk shelf''. I changed our bed linens last night and the 'old' ones are now in the wash. I washed the bathroom rugs, cleaned the bathroom and I'm caught up on almost all of the laundry. {This would be done already if I hadn't spotted a mouse in our garage Friday night...it freaked me out and until it was caught, I refused to go in the garage or laundry room while it was dark out. Needless to say our furry friend met his fate Saturday night.} It's not even 2pm and that stuff is all finished. Once the boys wake from their nap I'll dust and vacuum, then clean the windows. I would be napping now but my mind is racing and I have heartburn from eating pizza with peppers and onions.

The earliest I've gone into labor was 36 weeks and 4 days. The latest? 37 weeks and 4 days. Today, I am 36weeks and 3 days...if this baby is like her siblings, she'll be making her way into the world within a week! While I have everything necessary done, I can't help but feel like I should be doing something.