I'm kicking my own ass...do ya mind?

For reals.

I've had four kids in less than five years, and my body looks like it. I'm below my pre-pregnancy weight. In fact, going by my new scale, I'm only 1lb over what I weighed before I even got pregnant with Bubba, almost five years ago. However, my middle is jigglier than a bowl of jello.

**I am being totally honest in this post and I absolutely do not mean to offend anyone by anything that I type but I know that weight/working out/body image are all very sensitive subjects so I just want to reiterate that these are my opinion and my feelings. We are our own worse critic and I know that but I am blogging this to hold myself accountable. **

I recently started watching/doing ''The Shred'' dvd's by Jillian Michaels.  Oh.my.goodness. Cannot move.

Firstoff while the DVD says ''Lose 20 pounds in 30 days with Jillian's intense workout'', I'm doing this to get into shape.What does that mean? Well to me it means I'd like to have a stomach that doesn't look like I'm 12 weeks pregnant. I'd like to sit without my tummy pooch hanging over my jeans. I'd love it my love handles wanted out of this relationship, mkay? I would love it if the thought of wearing a swimsuit (not a bikini, just a swimsuit) didn't give me an anxiety attack. If you couldn't tell, most if not all, of my issues are with my toning my core muscles. My arms aren't half bad (hello I carry kids for a living) and my legs are weak but I've always had extremely scrawny chicken legs.

So I needed to do something, not to lose a ton of weight but to be in shape and be healthy. Since moving, my lifestyle has become much more sedentary. Mornings that were spent running up and downstairs, hurrying to get kids dressed/fed and to school then carrying a baby while ushering 3 small children up a narrow and steep flight of stairs at the school, then ushering one child and baby back down again only to go back up again 1.5hr later, are no more. Our house here is one story. There is no school, so no hurrying. We get up when we wake up, we eat breakfast when they're hungry. While I haven't gained a ton of weight since moving here, I have definitely become more ''flabby''. My pants/clothes still fit but aren't looking to flattering. It's Texas, it's getting hot already (yesterday it was 84 degrees) and all my short sleeve shirts and tank tops are maternity. I need to buy new clothes but everytime I shop I get discouraged about my pooch.

Cue, Jillian please.

In case you have been living under a rock for the last seven years  you don't know who she is, she is the trainer from The Biggest Loser. She is hard-core yet semi compassionate (in her own way). And I had heard amazing things and people who say great results after using her Shred dvd's at home. For $9 and 25 minutes a day, I really didn't have a reason not to try. If it works, I lose weight and tone. If it doesn't work, I'm out $9. That's what, 2 lattes? Seriously.

So the program is a 22 minute workout that you do everyday for 30 days. There are 3 levels of intensity and you move yourself up to the next level when the current one isn't as challenging. You start with 2 minutes of warm up stretches, then go into a cycle of 3 minutes strength training, 2 minutes cardio, 1 minute abs and without a break for even a sip of water, start the cycle again. You do this 3 times for a total of 18 minutes, then have a cool down period with stretches. Each segment is divided into 30 second increments. So for cardio you do jumping-jacks for 30 seconds, then 30 seconds of butt kicks, then 30 more seconds of jumping jacks, then 30 seconds of butt kicks again. You move straight into crunches, then reverse crunches then right back to strength training which is usually using your arms with free weights while doing lunges at the same time for 30 seconds, then push ups 30 seconds, etc.

Honestly, it doesn't sound bad. 18 minutes of working out, how hard can that be? 30 seconds of jumping-jacks? Puh-lease. Well, it's pretty damn hard. I mean you're trying to tone up/lose weight QUICKLY so to get those results, you have to work hard. I made it through the workout okay. I won't lie, the last 1 minute of abs about killed me. I was sweating, panting and feeling like crap. I wanted to quit and say screw it, I don't need one minute of abs.

But, I didn't quit. When I was feeling like giving up I gave myself a mental pep talk that sounded like this: "Hey dumbass,don't be pathetic. it's 30 freaking seconds of your life, quit bitching and bicycle those legs and crunch". Because even though I wanted to die, it is only 30 seconds. I had four kids, I've had contractions twice that length, without pain meds. I can do it. I know I can. But I had to really really push myself and remind myself that while it would feel like hell, it was only hell for 30 seconds.

And it worked. My pep-talk that is. I've only done the workout twice and today, it was a bit easier. I guess it's working too! Granted I am so sore that squatting down to put Peanut's shoes on makes me cringe. I have to brace myself when standing up after sitting in a chair for more than so, oh 15 seconds. But if it takes care of the flab, it's worth it! And for what it's worth, in the workout you LITERALLY do ''butt kicks'' which is kicking back, one leg at a time and kicking your own ass. Nice.