"Thanks for giving me food mom". No problem kid, it's my job.
"Bubba! Stop freakin' crying bout the freakin' puppy! You already got a freakin Scooby Doo!" In response to Bubba crying about not getting a little cheap dog out of a Claw Machine.
"Mom, I farted and it stinks. But I not did poop. Just fart." Thanks for the reassurance. At Target. Appreciate that.
to be continued, I'm sure...