tales from the toddlers

these are 2 separate conversations that i had with bubba and pooks today-

me: hey pooks, come over here so we can get your shoes on.
pooks: no mama, i pay [play].
(he proceeds to continue playing with a chip clip and his blanket--completely ignoring me)
me: please? we need to get to target before peanut's nap and we have to go get groceries too. let's hurry.
(he stops playing to give me the look of death)
pooks: ma, i'm just busy.

seriously? i mean seriously? because i'm not attempting to change a babies diaper, put 8 shoes on 4 people, and get jackets on all of us. while mentally making a list of what we need to take with us and a separate mental list of what we need to buy. i'm sure that chip clip really just can't wait.

and bubba wasn't much better. we were sitting at the table over lunch, talking about numbers. this week was the number six and i was attempting to help him count.

me: bubba what's this? (holding up a number 6 magnet)
bubba: da letter six.
me: it is a six, good job! but remember how things that we count are numbers. letters are----
bubba: MOM, stop talking!
me: excuse me? bubba we don't talk to grown ups that way, it isn't nice.
(rolls his eyes at me)
bubba: mom, we'll just talk about this later, i'm done. as he pushes back from the table, climbs down from the table and walks into the kitchen.

i was speechless. me, speechless. i mean how do you even respond to that? i know where he got it; when B and I are bickering/arguing in front of the kids, one of us will say ''okay, i'm done talking ...we'll have to talk about this later." we're really working on not arguing around little ears. i guess that's a good thing, he just proved to me that he does listen.

speaking of 'off the wall things that people around here are saying' here are some phrases that i say all. the. time.

-no! don't touch the toilet. seriously, don't touch the toilet. pooks i'm not kidding, it's not funny, we do not touch the potty.

-don't touch your brother's boobies. if you want to touch boobies then you can touch your own! no they do not have milk in them, only mommies with babies have milk in their boobies.

-we do NOT eat dog food. yuck! yuck! yuck! no, no, no!

-get your finger out of your butt...get your hands out of your pants and come wash them. we don't play with our booties!

-i am not an elephant.

-stop growling at your brother/dog/hamster/, you're scaring him. you are only a lion/tiger when your costume is on.

-do not throw that book/toy/blanket/cup/snack/ behind the couch!

-no i will not just ''cheese'' it, it's not funny. (they mean take to take a picture)

-no, i am not pooping. girls always sit when they go potty. yes sometimes i poop, no i'm not right now. i can't stand up to pee like you and bra-bra because i am a girl. girls do not have penises. no i will not get one when i get bigger.

-sit down before your chair tips and you fall on your head.

- how do you think your brother feels when you punch his head like that?

- are your ears on? are they working? you need to listen.

i would love to say i'm kidding, but i'm not. sometimes i say the above phrase over and over and over in one day. sometimes in public. oh the surprises that come with motherhood!